I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
