proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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