Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
