All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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