we made out on top of his cat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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