I accidentally burped into my bong.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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