I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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