Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
