no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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