she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
