the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
