Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
