Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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