we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
