Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
