it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
