Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
