so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
