i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He did a backflip because drugs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
