What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize