I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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