Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am naked and annoyed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
