drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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