these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
