I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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