thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
