they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
