Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize