it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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