1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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