i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
