Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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