Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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