just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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