More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
