Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
