I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize