I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
