I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
