I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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