idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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