Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
