it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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