you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
