I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
