Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
