finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
