Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
