You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
