i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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