I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
