Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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