spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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