Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
