In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
