i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
