weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
