I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
