he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
