I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
