Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
