I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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