Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize