Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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