Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
