Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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