I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
