Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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