they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
