there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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