I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
