My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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