Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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