that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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