help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
