woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As shirtless as possible
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
